Crouching Kaoru, Hidden Script
by Elle the Brat
Summary: Kaoru writes a new script, and wants to know why Hikaru rejects it. Add in some crack!plot, twincest and a short attention span, and you have this fic. SLIGHT BOY LOVE.


**A/N- What's this? I'm abandoning "The Turnings of Time"? Why no!**

**I'm just still pissed off at having a chapter that was over 3,000 words for it deleted from my computer. (And I can't find the motivation to sit down and write it all again. Don't worry, I'll start it up again by the end of this week, as soon as my English project decides to finish itself.)**

**Earlier this week (Saturday, to be exact) I was conned into watching the first episode of Ouran High School Host Club. At first, I was feeling iffy about watching it, because the legs annoy me.**

**But then… I saw the twins. And fell in love. And my obsession with Kaoru began.**

**And, you know what's odd? I find it easy to write Kaoru first-person. Everyone else I couldn't write first-person if my life depended on it.**

**…'Course, that doesn't mean he's IC.**

**Disclaimer: I do not, in any way, own anything belonging to Ouran High School Host Club. Not from lack of trying, though.**

**Warnings: crack, slight Hitachiincest, OOC-ity, small parts that are dialogue-only and crappy writing. Ta-da! Oh, and a few swears. So not my fault, though. They crept in, hidden as little twincest catalysts. I swear it!**

---

"Hikaru-chan!"

"Karou-kun!"

Inwardly, I winced. Who gave them the right to add "-kun" to my name? Last I checked, they weren't _my_ friends.

Outwardly, I smiled and winked. One swooned, another fainted. The remaining three burst into hysterical giggles. Thin arms wrapped around my waist, my twin's chin came to rest on my shoulder. Without thought, I slid into the role of helplessly smitten uke.

"Karou, I don't like how familiar they are with you." Hikaru stage-whispered into my ear. I pretended to blush, my eyelids fluttering shut of their own accord.

"You know I'm yours, don't you, brother?" I whispered, seemingly shamed.

Perfect reaction, as always. Hikaru and I exited the room, leaving five unconscious girls behind us.

---

"Ne, Hikaru?"

"…"

"Hikaru"

"…"

"Hikaru!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Help! Help! Hikaru, please, help me!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Yeah. Fuck you too, bro."

"…"

"Wake up"

"…"

"Wakie wakie"

"…"

"Ifyoudon'twakeupI'mgoingtomolestyou"

"…"

"And pour cold water on your head"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Fine then. Be that way. See if _I_ care."

Not five minutes after my rather pitiful attempt at waking Hikaru, I was back in his room, pacing with anxiety.

"Hikaru! Get up now or I'll throw all of the commoner's coffee out!" That was a lie, or course. I _was_ addicted to the stuff too, you know. I wouldn't jeopardize my future like that.

Unfortunately, Hikaru seemed to know this too. All I got for my efforts was a rather rude gesture.

But! He was _awake_, which meant that I could tell him about my latest script!

---

"No."

We were in the kitchens. I had just ambushed Hikaru after being thrown out of our room about an hour earlier.

"No?"

I had graced him with my _beautiful_ script, and what had he done?

"No."

He had flat-out refused.

"…Why not?"

"We're not doing that."

"Again, why not?"

"Because- Because it's _wrong_, maybe?"

Now that, _that_ confused me. In my opinion, we'd done worse. Of course, I voiced my opinion in a _slightly_ altered manner.

"How is it wrong?"

…I did say that it was altered.

"Kaoru, I'm not going to let you play the part of depressed twin."

"Well, you can't do it!"

Well, he couldn't! I wasn't the one spending less time with my twin of my own free will!

"Which is why it's _not going to happen_."

"But Hikaru"

"No."

"Please"

"No."

"I'll… let you be seme!"

"I'm _already_ seme."

"Well, fuck."

I'd been using that word a lot lately. Could be a side-effect of wandering off down-town whenever Hikaru was out without me, but, well, one could never be too sure.

"Kaoru?"

"You're going to let me do it?"

Hey, I could hope.

"No. Why have you been swearing so much lately?"

Crap.

"Because I was getting myself ready for the part of depressed twin! You've made all of my hard work _useless_, Hikaru!"

Thank Gods I'm a monkey(1).

"…You know that I'm not buying it, don't you?"

Yeah, fuck you, God.

"What, don't you trust me anymore?" Well, really, he had a reason to be suspicious. But I wasn't going to tell him that, he could work it out on his own.

Hikaru rose an eyebrow, I mimicked him. He sighed. I sighed. He glared. I smiled.

"_Kaoru_." He said warningly.

"_Hikaru._" I replied in kind.

Battle of the Twins, begin!

---

Being the youngest sucks some times, it really does.

Like now, for instance.

"Hikaru! Put me down!"

"No."

"Hikaru!"

"Yes?"

"Put me _down_."

"Sorry Kaoru, I can't do that."

It really pisses me off when he does things like this. Sure, sure, we're twins. I know that.

I also know that he's the stronger of the two of us, and that while I can barely lift him off the ground, he can easily carry me across his shoulders.

"I'll tell Haruhi!"

"Empty threats."

Dammit.

"I'll… I'll… Expose you!"

"No you won't."

For the love of—

"I'll stop being your twin!"

Now _that_ got a reaction. Sure, hysterical laughter wasn't what I had been aiming for, but it was better than him using such a degrading tone on me.

"You're an idiot, you know that?"

Oh, hello degrading tone! I thought you went on holiday? No? Oh, well, pity that is. Maybe I could ship you off to Australia sometime, hm? I hear they have really hot summers _and_ winters!

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

I could actually _hear_ the smirk in his voice as he continued his merry way upstairs. I had given up on attempting to squirm off of his shoulders, and now hung limply, blowing a strand of hair out of my face every so often.

"…Anything _you_ could do, _I_ could do better."

"Ha."

"I can do anything better than _you_."

"No you can't."

"Yes I can."

"No, you can't."

"Yes, I can."

"No, you can't."

"Yes, I can. Yes, I can"

"Anything you could be, I could be greater Sooner or later, I'm greater than _you_."

We were at the top of the stairs now, and Hikaru did a small spin, earning himself a hit on his back for making me think we were going to tumble down.

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

"_No_, you're not."

"Yes I am!"

"No you're not!"

"Yes I am, yes I am I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge."

I _always_ snorted in disbelief at that part. Hikaru couldn't shoot a sixteen foot building with a paint-gun, standing only three feet away. The odds of him actually managing to shoot a partridge were slim to none, and below zero if he had only one cartridge.

Now _me_ on the other hand…

…Well, I was just as bad as him.

"I can get a sparrow with a bow and arrow."

I did, once upon a time. We were about five and playing with those plastic bows and arrows. I was upset, because the bird flew away with my only arrow, so Hikaru threw his away too and we used sticks instead.

"I can live on bread and cheese"

Hikaru was actually allergic to most kinds of cheap cheese. We found that out a few weeks ago, when we went down to the commoner's shops and tried some of theirs.

"And only on that?"

"Yep."

"Well so can a rat. _Ow_!"

"Don't say it with such malice."

"It's how the song goes!"

"And?"

Oh, well, that was just unfair. I didn't slap _his_ ass when he did _anything_.

This was a case of sibling abuse. And, of course, I had to keep that idea in mind for our next script.

The forbidden brotherly love, when one of the brothers becomes overly aggressive and drives the other into insanity!

Hey, we had already achieved half of it.

---

We finally reached Hikaru's room – mine was hardly ever used, and cobwebs were gathering in the corners. Have I mentioned that I don't like spiders? – and he had to do a bit of fumbling to get the door open. I was giving helpful hints from his shoulder.

"Kaoru, you're not helping."

"Then put me down."

"Ha. Real funny, bro. You should do stand-up comedy."

"I'm not joking."

"Neither am I."

When he had the door open, he went through side-ways, so as to avoid me hitting my head. All pretense of care was forgotten as soon as we came within the general vicinity of the bed, which he unceremoniously threw me upon.

"Ow!" Yes, I hit my head on one of the posters. Hikaru was immediately there, holding my head in his lap and gently rubbing where I had hit it.

"This is _so_ sibling abuse." I muttered grumpily. Hikaru did nothing but snicker, the rich bastard.

And _that_ meant that I had picked something up from Haruhi. Shock. Gasp. Horror. _Woe_.

…Hey, did that mean I was becoming a commoner? I didn't much like the idea of living without most of the things I had grown up with, or getting a job where I had to do manual labor, but I'd get to eat commoner food _every day_ and never see any of the rich foods I ate ever again!

Yeah. It should be clear as to why I decided to stay how I was.

"So…" I left the word hanging, not know what I should attach to it.

"Why'd you want to act depressed, Kaoru?"

Not for the first time, Hikaru was staring into my eyes upside-down, concern shining clearly. I shrugged in response.

"No idea." I said truthfully. I had just gone out on a whim with the script.

"Is there something that's bothering you?" His eyes crinkled around the edges, and from years of experience, I knew that he was racking his brain to see what he'd done wrong. Before I could get a single word out, his eyes widened.

"Kaoru, is it because I've been spending less time with you? If it's bothering you, just say so! I don't mean to ignore you, you know. I just thought that you wanted some more space and--"

"Hikaru, breathe."

My twin had gotten a light shade of pink in his cheeks. I know that the two of us can go on for over a minute without taking a breath, but I wanted to get that talk over with as soon as possible, and letting Hikaru draw his own conclusions was not going to help. Besides, the pure emotion in his words was making me dizzy.

Reaching for one of his hands, I linked our fingers together and brought our clasped hands to rest on my chest.

"It's not anything you've done wrong."

"Liar."

I rolled my eyes at him, rolling onto my side to nuzzle his thigh. I let out a semi-sigh, slightly annoyed with him quite clearly setting himself up for a guilt-trip.

"Hikaru, it's really nothing you've done. True, I would like if you spent some more time with me, because we've been together all of our lives and I'm not exactly used to not having someone there to catch me when I trip, or to assist me in pranks, but we do need some time with others."

"But you don't like it." Ah, there was the accusatory tone.

"Mhm." Non-committal noise. Good, good.

"_Kaoru_."

"Yes, pinky?" Hikaru's hand tightened, squeezing my poor fingers rather harshly. I cried out in shock at the slight pain, glaring at my twin and gritting my teeth afterwards.

"Don't call me that."

"Pinky." I cried out again as Hikaru twisted my arm. Suddenly, he was on top of me, both of my arms pinned above my head. His mouth was dangerously close to mine, our breath mingling as we panted. His eyes were focused on mine, which I was pretty sure were showing the shock I felt. His, however, merely sparkled with mischief.

"Ne, Hikaru, get off." I whined, squirming beneath him. A smirk appeared on his face as he lowered his mouth to my neck, placing light kisses on my exposed flesh. I gasped again with surprise, making a note in the back of my mind to get revenge for this later, after—

After---

Oh dear _Gods_, what was he doing with his tongue?

---

**A/N- Hm. This seems like the kind of story that needs another chapter.**

**…Pity I'm not motivated at the moment. This'll stay a one-shot until I'm bored enough to write a second chapter. The _great_ thing about stories like these?**

**I can leave them hanging, and not be obligated to write more chapters! Ha.**

**(1)- …I really have no idea what they are in Chinese New Year, so I'm just going with what I think suits them best. XD 'Sides, there's nothing saying that they aren't born in 1992! Or, well, I sure hope there's nothing saying that.**

**Just as a side note; this did have a plot when I started. It also had a few more chapters growing.**

**But then, math decided to come bite my ass. Trigonometry assignments that have Pythagoras snuck into them break my brain, especially when we did Pythagoras about five months ago. Add in Bearings, Probability and a bunch of other things I can't spell and you have an Elle flailing about, leaving assignments on her kitchen bench and losing plot bunnies that aren't tied down.**

**I might pick this up again, once I've gotten through the first wave of work. We can only hope.**

**Readers will read and reviewers will review, but only if writers write!**


End file.
